Born into a body. No say or input as to what that will look like. You get what you're given or not as in my case. As a young girl I had an athletic physique with broad swimming shoulders, a wash board stomach and non existent waist with hips to match. Aside from my mid length perm and clothes you would have been forgiven in thinking that I was a boy.
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Comprehensive school was the start of having my body and appearance scrutinised and poked fun at. My earliest memory was been asked (several times) on the school bus why my legs were so hairy. Other observations made; my freckles looked ugly, my lips were like rubber dinghies, my chest resembled an ironing board and my cotton string legs coupled with large feet apparently made them golf clubs. As my friends bodies developed, frustratingly mine didn't and much to my dismay despite my best 'I must I must improve my bust' efforts the all important boob department remained well and truly boobless. My lack of boobage didn't go unnoticed and sniggered whispers of 'To Nits' regularly greeted me from passing boys. At first I was confused and hurt at this unfamiliar and unkind judgement. But, as most kids do
I got use to it, got over it and cracked on. Although not an enjoyable experience not an entirely regrettable one for preparation of adult life.
Aged 18 I started university and still yearned for a fuller figure. I remember browsing weight gain products at the supermarket wondering if that would be the answer to achieving some lady lumps. After my first year, with the help of an increased consumption of unhealthy food and alcohol I was beyond excited to find I'd reach the holy grail, a size 10! Around this time I gained confidence in my body for the very first time. To my surprise the once mocked rubber dingy lips and slim physique were now complimented. I truly felt like the ugly duckling had left the building (most days).
In my late twenties I realised that I needed to pay more attention to what was going in my mouth. My body's natural metabolism had slowed down and so had my appetite for exercise. Wallowing in domestic bliss a night snuggled up with a takeaway and wine was considerably more attractive than heading out to the gym. Aged 30 and 34 I spent two 9 month periods growing my boys. On both occasions my stomach swelled to a ridiculous size and 34DD bras were purchased. With both kiddies it took me around two and half years to get my body to a place that I felt comfortable. The first few years of motherhood is such a hectic rollercoaster that I salute anyone who is able to find the constant time, energy and motivation to resist the sugar rushes, alcohol urges and takeaway options which don't help in keeping a trim tum (but can help in keeping a sane mind).
So here I am now. Aged 38 with a nearly 3 year old and a nearly 7 year old. My figure is currently the fuller one I desired 20 yrs ago and at last...with boobs (in your face To Nits). As my youngest increases with age and ease I'm excited about investing some time back into me. I'd really like to start exercising regularly and who knows I might even have time to moisturise and/or paint my toe nails too (whoop).
The point of this blog was to show that our bodies constantly change, as do our feelings about them. Our body image is just that an image, a snapshot of our current moment in time. What's important is that we recognise that it is just this and it can and will change. For the young who feel like they don't fit, you will. For the unhappy who feel they'll never get there, you can. For the gym bunnies who feel proud, well done. For the old who feel aged, you're beautiful. For the mums who feel like their lost, you'll find yourself.
